It is the first Monday of the new year and surprisingly things feel much different than the last Monday of 2010 did. Perhaps it is because things really are different, or perhaps it is all in my head (the latter being most likely).
I used to make a new year’s resolution every year, none of which stuck for more then about three or four days. I would make various resolutions that would include everything from to getting in shape, becoming more organized, establishing a routine, to even trying to argue less with my mom when I was much younger. Over the years I have started to realize that making a new year’s resolution is simply setting myself up for failure. I would always resolve to make something happen, only to fail and leave myself feeling horrible, beating myself up over the course of the next few months. Eventually I would forget about the resolution I had made to myself until the next new year’s eve. The next new year’s eve would be where I would suddenly remember my failures to keep my resolution over the previous year and would go into the next year feeling depressed, frustrated, and upset with myself.
New year’s eve 2009 was the first year that my only new year’s resolution was to not make one. In place of a new year’s resolution I would simply think of all of the new things that were going to happen. Instead of making a task for myself and feeling overwhelmed, I had started to see some of what God had set before me over the course of the next twelve months. Some of the things I saw to happen over the following year of 2010 was that I was finally going to finish the long and treacherous road of community college and would be deep in an sonography program which finally made me feel like I was going somewhere. I was also going to become an aunt for the first time as my brother Andrew was having his first child, as well as gaining a new sister as my brother Erick was to get married. I had viewed the upcoming year of 2010 to be full of changes which excited me. Don’t forget however that I had this excitement of 2010 while still wallowing in self hatred over my failures of 2009.
Going into the new year of 2011, I am actually satisfied with all I have completed in 2010 and with everything that has happened. God had more in store for me than I ever had imagined. When I had finally stopped making a list of everything that I thought I needed to do, I was finally able to see/experience some of what God had in store for me. Not only did I submerge myself in my sonography program, I also passed my board test for sonographic physics. Not only did I become an aunt for the first time, I was allowed the ability to fully experience what it was like to hold my very first nephew the very day he was born. Not only did I gain a sister as my brother got married, I also gained a best friend and a fiance as I met, fell in love with, and became engaged to David (something I never thought to be in the books for me). When I finally relaxed and stopped jinxing myself with lists of what I thought I needed, and instead turned things over to God, I got way more than I had ever bargained for, and I love it!
For 2011 I once again don’t have a new year’s resolution. I learned my lesson over the past few years and for the first time I have started the new year being fully satisfied with the previous year and excited for the next. The changes of 2011 will include me graduating school, looking for a new job, moving out, and most of all getting married. I am extremely excited about all of these changes, yet at the same time I am very nervous and a bit scared. I have found it very easy the past few days to become increasingly stressed and have several scenarios play out in my head of how things could possibly go wrong. I have learned my lesson though. This year I am going to do my best to simply live each day as it comes. If there is one thing I learned in 2010 it is that God has a much bigger plan than I ever had for myself. This is why 2011 is being left in His hands.